Familial Resilience

Being in a family is an opportunity to experience a lot of joy and create many of memories.  Along with that, however, we often experience difficulties and trials within our families that can cause a lot of stress and potentially lead to problems within the family.  The way that a family responds to these challenges can determine the long-term effect that can be seen in the family.  

Today, I want to discuss five steps that psychiatrist Dr. Stephen Marmer taught that we can apply in order to become more resilient.  These steps can be applied either as individuals or in a family to be prepared to handle any challenges that might come.

1) Get some perspective.  Sometimes we just have to take a step back and try to see the situation from a different point of view.  I have found in my own life that when I try to take myself out of the situation and see it as it is, it often doesn't end out seeming nearly as big as it did in the first place.  In a family, especially, we can avoid a lot of pain if we can take things more lightly and have a better perspective together.

This video is a good and pretty humorous representation of what can happen to us if we overthink things and don't put in that effort to see things realistically.

2)   "Compare the undeserved bad things that have happened to you with the unearned good things that have happened to you."  We each have so many incredible blessings in our lives and in our families.  Oftentimes, those good things don't necessarily happen to us because of something that we have done to earn them.  

If we can do our very best to focus on the good things that have happened in our families, it may be easier for us to handle the difficulties when they come.  

A few years ago. I left my home for 18 months to be a missionary for my church. I remember at one point, I received some difficult news from my family.  In that moment, I felt that I couldn't handle the stress while being so far away from home.  What helped me to be strong in a difficult time was remembering the good times that my family had experienced and all of those to come.  

3) Toughen up.  This one may seem harsh, but I think that there is a lot of value in striving to be prepared for whatever may come.  The keyword there is being prepared; that implies that we think about it ahead of time and do whatever it takes to be tough enough to deal with every circumstance that life throws at us in the future.

How can we toughen up as a family?  I believe that one of the best ways is by strengthening the relationships of the family.  If we have done our part to have close relationships with the other members of our family, we will be more likely to be prepared to work together and help each other out throughout life.

4) "Be the architect of your own fate."  I am a big believer that we have the power to determine a lot of things in our life.  For example, we can choose to get up and go exercise even when it's hard.  No one is forcing us to do so, but we can reap the benefits from making that choice for ourselves.  We can also make the decision to be happy, regardless of what is going on in our lives.  I don't think that that means being emotionless or ignoring difficult feelings when they come.  But I believe that we can choose to take those feelings as they come and to do the best that we can to move forward and be content anyways.

5) We must take an honest look at our life - a self-inventory.  Is it possible that we have created these problems for ourselves or for our families?  Recognizing the part that we have played in the challenges that are occurring, whether they be big or small, will give us the power to make that decision to be resilient and to power through to the best of our abilities.

The most important part of this all...

...is that we don't expect ourselves to follow these steps perfectly every time we encounter a trial.  If we expect that out of ourselves, it's going to be too much and probably won't happen in the long run.  I believe that even if we plan to be strong and endure things in the perfect way, there is no way that we can be 100% prepared for what is to come.  We have to be patient with ourselves and just do the very best that we can.

Our families are worth putting in that effort to be as resilient as we can - I encourage each of you to do what you can to be prepared!!!

-Britt