Today, I want to talk about two things that are pretty simple, but crucial to understand: the purposes of marriage and the adjustments that each couple is likely to face in the beginning of their marriage.
One of the purposes that came to my mind is that we all seek and desire companionship. A man named Bertrand Russell, a British philosopher, said that "those who have not known the deep intimacy and intense companionship of mutual love have missed the best thing that life has to give." I firmly believe that this life isn't meant to be lived alone; I believe that we can find a lot of joy and satisfaction in living this life with someone by our side.
Another reason that marriage is important, and one that I have already written about, is that it creates a very positive environment in which to start and raise a family.
A healthy marriage also gives the opportunity for both spouses to learn, grow, improve, and progress. I have already seen in my own life, although I'm not married, that being in a relationship with someone really helps me to see the ways in which I would like to improve and it really motivates me to be the best version of myself that I can be. I can imagine that marriage will only bring me even more of those feelings!
A reason that I sometimes tend to forget amidst all of these other important ones is because it brings happiness and enjoyment. It can't, of course, be constant bliss and laughter, but I truly do believe that some of the greatest happiness that can be found in this life can come from being in a marriage where two people can feel loved and appreciated.
Now... on to the adjustments! Like I said above, I have never been married, so I really can't say that I have ever experienced any of these adjustments on my own. I just thought, especially as a young college student whose goal is to have a fulfilling marriage, that it could be beneficial to understand some of the things that we will have to learn and become accustomed to in the first month and year of marriage:
First month:
- Living with someone else
- Intimacy
- Responsibilities, roles, chores, etc.
- Sharing in ways that you have never shared before
- Budgeting time (school, work, family, friends, relationship)
- Combining lives
- Habits (eating, toilet, sleeping, etc.)
First year:
- Holidays
- Creating own traditions
- Which family do we spend time with on holidays
- Values/priorities
- Friends of the opposite gender
- Making decisions together
- Learning models that assist in this
- Gospel study
- This is an important one for me! It's crucial to me to marry someone who I can read the scriptures and pray with.
- Life goals
- Sleeping together - open window? How many blankets? How much space?
Well, if that isn't slightly overwhelming, I don't know what is! I do believe, however, that many of these things can, and should, be discussed throughout the courtship and engagement. That will help us to understand the other person's values and what is important to them.
Although it can seem frightening to think of all of the changes that marriage brings, I certainly stand by my belief that it is worth all of that. It is worth the humbling experiences it brings, worth the challenges, worth the changes that we may have to make, and well worth anything else that it could possibly bring. It is worth it because it is what we are here on this earth to do. I believe that the most worthwhile thing that we can do while here is to have a family.
