This week, we discussed dating, marriage, and selecting a life partner. I learned a lot about strengthening a relationship from the beginning to a lifelong commitment. An example that was given is displayed in the pictures that are to the left. The first one is showing something called a dovetail joint. It is known for creating a very solid, reliable joining of two pieces of wood. It is difficult, nearly impossible, to separate the two pieces of wood once they are joined by a dovetail joint.
Imagine that you have been tasked with building something very important. Perhaps a gift for your parents' 50th Anniversary or a crib for your baby. Would you prefer to build that using something like the dovetail joint or simply by using gorilla or super glue to connect the pieces and hope that it stays together?
Something that is incredibly important to me is to build the kind of relationship that can survive any tumult, storm, or difficulty that comes. I want to have a "dovetail" relationship, not just a "super glue" relationship. In class this week, I learned various principles and models that can be followed to improve and strengthen relationships. The ones I want to take are the Steps of Courtship as well as the RAM (Relationship Attachment Model). Before I begin, I do think that it's important that I clarify that I feel very strongly that every single relationship is different. Each one can't be treated the same as another, which means that we can all take these and apply them in the best way possible for our own relationships.
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The Steps of Courtship are quite simple, but I believe that they are important and that they are being forgotten by society and causing problems in having and keeping strong, fulfilling relationships.
Dating
Courtship
Engagement
Marriage
I didn't do such a good job of showing it, but they are supposed to be like a staircase, showing that it is important that we move with intention from one step to another. It's a beautiful for a couple to be able to say that they know "where they stand" with each other. I believe that this model really allows for two people to get to know each other and to progress toward the goal of marriage.
Something that I thought about a lot this week was the importance of dating. Not just going immediately to being in a relationship with whoever comes along, but going on dates with many people so that we can learn what we are looking for in a future partner and develop skills that will help us in our future families.
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The other model is called the Relationship Attachment Model, and it displays an order of getting to know someone in a positive, deep, and lasting way. It was developed by a man named John Van Epp, who wrote a book called "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk."
An important point to bring up with this model is that it can be applied at the beginning of the relationship, and that might be the best way to do it, but any couple can take a step back and re-evaluate and decide in what way they would like to improve. Maybe they need to learn to trust each other a little more, or feel deeper levels of commitment.
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I certainly can't say that I understand relationships or these two models perfectly, but I do know that as we try our very best in our relationships, they can become "dovetail" relationships; relationships that won't end when things get hard, relationships that can strengthen us and make us better people.
Comment below if you have any thoughts or apply any of this!
-Britt
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